December 1rst, 2002 Day 86
Trip = 112km[69.61mi] ATD = 4428km[2752mi]
We're out of the panhandle of Florida and once again we will head mostly south towards Tampa. Today's ride was long and it looked to be really tough with the first 15 miles into a viscious wind...no worries, though, the wind ended up being a cross wind and the whole trip to Perry, FL seemed downhill. Three biking days into Tampa!
Highway 98 continues to be very scenic and although it drew away from the coast, I enjoyed lush greenery all the way...I'm pumped for our vacation! The only thing that could be bothering me is the incessant pain in my left hand...I'm thinking x-rays in Tampa. Hasta luego, mis amigos!
December 2nd, 2002 Day 87
Trip = 92km[56.88mi] ATD = 4520km[2809mi]
Today's ride was important only because it brought us one day closer to Tampa. Bad highway between Perry and Old Town, FL....not enjoyable. We're camping right by the Suwannee River. Ok, nothing really important to talk about...all really boring stuff that would just, well, bore you. Good night!
December 13th, 2002 Day Whatever
Hello to everybody that still checks these occassionally. The lack of journal entries can be attributed to the lack of bicycling combined with some major decisions that have affected the tone of this trip.
In a moment somewhere between the icy temperatures of Kansas and the beautiful coastline of Florida, I came to the decision that this trip was no longer feasible. I cannot speak for Ian and when his epiphany about the conclusion of this trip dawned upon him but I do feel it was a mutual realization. We discussed the trip's outcome under the sunny skies of Florida and as with any decision of this magnitude, mixed emotions flooded my mind.
I wish my reasons to come home were more noble, coming from a more virtuous standpoint...but alas, they are not. Most of them are petty gripings from a mind that is tired and homesick. Sometimes it's just the little things that add up and start to overwhelm you. For two months I have battled my conscience to try to find a happy medium only to find more reasons to come home. Nothing is as was pictured which is to be expected but I did not expect everything to be worse. It is disheartening and annoyingly whiny but I definitely know what not to do for my next trip.
There are many factors that have to occur for a choice like the end of this trip to be made. The choice cannot be made without pontificating about the consequences or repercussions that lay ahead. I tried to think of the worst case scenario and I could find nothing that didn't seem positive about my conclusion. The disappointment of a goal not reached has completely eluded me...I only feel elation and a growing anticipation of seeing family and friends. The place where emptiness should reign has been cast from me along with the heavy weight that burdened me during long boring nights. Sound drab? No worries, chalk it up to lack of foresight and move forward.
I feel I owe people some insight into what made this trip not work...it has been a constant grind and perhaps I just want to release some tension. To tell you the truth, most of my complaints were obvious right from the beginning. The season we left in, the path we chose, the amount of planning compared to the magnitude of the trip...all staring us in the face and my stupidity overcame everything, it's a wonder how I got through my first 27 years on this earth, agreeing to a blatantly retarded idea like this. I thought tour-biking would be neat...it is far from that for me. Our path through the fucking mid-west was idiotic and the U.S.A's highway system is not cohesive for bikers...infact, it is the shittiest road system ever for biking. Upon my return, it will be solely dirtpaths and specialized biking paths for this cowboy. Another thing that constantly plagued my mind was the difference in how Ian and I approached the trip...it was obvious to me that we had a constantly widening gap of how we wanted to enjoy the journey. This caused some friction and slowly ate away at my view of this trip, gradually building until I was frustrated everyday, not just occassionally. There is no blame game here, I'm pretty much positive that I am not a saint when it comes to travelling companionship, and that's why I say that Ian and I were just not travelling compatible. He sees the world in a way that I choose not to...end of story. Despite all our financial woes, it was my lack of believing in my instincts that caused all my frustration. Before we had even pedalled a stroke I had been very forthcoming with the fact that I would have no income and this was a major concern. My concerns were deflected by Ian's confidence that we wouldn't have money problems but it's ever-growing presence caused a constant resentment towards this situation. The lack of personal funds eliminated so many options (big and small) and choked off so much of the freedom I cherish so much that my mind was stuck alot of the time in a place where I vowed it would never linger...in the money pit. Lesson learned, trust my instincts and remember that there is only one person to blame...myself.
Through all of the complaining that I'm sure everyone is sick of, I remain smiling and relaxed most of the time. I've have attempted to find peace with this trip unsuccessfully for a long time but I have now started the process with a fresh mind. The trip was definitely not all bad and I would not be as strong a person without it's experience. Ah yes, live for the experience whether it be euphoric or painful, life would not be as grand without the low points.
We started this trip to try to raise money for cancer...every penny that was donated will be returned to their owner. I thank Robin the most for her generosity. The fact of the matter remains that the Canadian Cancer Society was very uncooperative and downright useless. I do not condemn the CCS for what it stands for nor the help they have given to thousands of Canadians having to deal with a terrible disease. I do condemn the people in charge of helping our trip in particular and there lack of passion that they showed towards our trip. I feel it was inexcusable how we were treated like an afterthought, we were lied to, and for all our good intentions, were treated with flippant interest.
The lone characteristic I will miss throughout the whole journey is easily guessed if you have any inkling of the person I try to be. I have met the most wonderful people throughout my entire visit through the United States of America and my new friends have treated me extraordinarily. For most of trip, we have been living off barely enough money to scrape by. The people we have met have had to go out of there way to help us through some tough situations...it is exactly this type of generosity that will guide and influence me throughout the rest of my entire life. I hold my chin up higher, my eyes shine brighter, and my mind is more open...thank you.
So, I head home in a month whether Edmonton is ready or not...I nearly explode with energy everytime I think of how much I appreciate who I surround myself with. Most of my friends and family I have been without for only four months (when it's all said and done) but there are others that I have not seen for longer. It gives me shivers just thinking about it. Thank you for all your support, I wouldn't have got to Red Deer without it. Peace out!!!
